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Brain dumping details….

May 5, 2010

are today’s writing exercise. Yesterday was my schmancified Status Report, hereafter referred to as Lisa Writes‘ brainchild. Not having the creative ideas of her ilk, I now have to resort to the more graphic writing of a brain dumping event. Imagine someone holding me by my toes shaking out my brains.

Or don’t.

Anyway. I received an email from a friend today who was sharing her woe with me over a broken coffeemaker. This dear friend lives 492 zillion miles away from me now and I can’t even hop in the car to take her my extra coffeemaker. She ingeniously boiled water and slowly poured it over grounds to make her morning cup.

I told her that she’s a real woman by Husband’s standards. I’m still a cushy tart and now coffee snob who depends on him to And only certain brands. Of course, I do frequently remind him of the time he took his newlywed to Korea, promptly went into the field for 16 days or months, I forget from the trauma, and left me to fend for myself on the day that the Koreans turned off our neighborhood electricity. For 10 hours. Afraid to open the refrigerator, I ate dry cereal for breakfast with room temp bottled water and cooked a can of Spaghettios over Sterno for lunch.

I then ran around the kitchen beating my breast and yelling, “I’m a real woman!”

To cheer her up I suggested a game entitled, Who Wants to Share Their Woes? You score 2 points for household issue woes, 4 points for transportation woes and 6 points for relationship woes. Stating any upside to your woes is an automatic 2 point deduction.

Here’s my list:

Household woes: our phone for the last month has chosen to work only between the hours of 6 a.m. and 11 a.m. It ceases working, giving a busy signal to any who call and a dumb “line in use” message to anyone who wants to call out, from around 11:30 a.m. until sometime close to 6 or 7 p.m. What it is doing during the night, I could care less since I usually try to avoid those hours for either receiving or making phone calls. I’ve been blaming the event on climate change sunspots, but I think I’m going to actually have to call the phone company, sit on hold for 36 minutes, spend 41 minutes trying to get an actual human on the line that lives in the continental 49 and then issue my complaint. I can only do that during the aforesaid working phone hours.

The upside: we rarely receive telemarketer’s calls now.

Score: E 2, Elle 2 minus 2 for upside, netting 0

Transportation woes: It is May which means it is time for the minivan to once again break down. Last year after too much $$$ and too many days in the shop to believe we actually owned 2 cars, the minivan was diagnosed with a rare form of brain damage. I’m speaking technically here. Apparently the aftermarket 02 sensor we installed, rather than pay Honda with our youngest son, doesn’t like the Honda brain it is supposed to work for. Hence and therefore, the 02 sensor sends messages to the Honda brain that there is Danger! Danger! Will Robinson! Transmission! While nothing mechanically wrong can be found, the transmission when hot, when cold, when hormonal, indulges in slippage spinnage non-forwardage motion. This happens most frequently while trying to cross intersections where oncoming cars are oncoming or in Atlanta styled stop and go or I’ll shoot you situations. The boys know that if I shout, “Heads and knees!” to practice the crash position. So, the minivan is now again in the shop.

The upside: staying home means saving gas which means saving money, at least until a) we have to pay the car repair bill or b) we have to buy a new car. The land for sale issue that held us up last year in car purchasing power is on its molasses end of resolution so we may now have funds for the purchase of another clunker. And in the brightest of these upsides, we did get 22,000 more miles out of a brain damaged minivan.

Score: E 2, Elle 4 minus 2 for upside, netting 2

Relationship woes: had an encounter this morning with a lady who accused me of legalism because I requested she attend an informational meeting before joining an organization. The fact that she missed the legalism of her request, that is insistence for her way or the highway, baffles me. My response? Peace be with you. Careful with those highway potholes. Someone I love very much has made a serious error in judgment and when I cautioned her to investigate things more carefully, I was told that her happiness and peace were paramount, not knowing the facts.

The upside: I believe God is greater than the legalism of ourselves. I believe God is greater than the disobedience of unbelief.

Score: E 2, Elle 6 minus 4 for upside, netting 2

My pity party account is only even with the next person. Feel free to share your woes. Let’s see who is keeping score.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 5, 2010 8:54 pm

    Creative ideas? Me? Surely you jest. In fact, my husband will no doubt laugh at such a characterization.

    Woes? I spent most of my day yesterday preparing for Bible study only to have fellow Bible student show up for class. Disappointing. Upside: we went to breakfast and I had some very yummy French toast as well as some great conversation…

  2. May 6, 2010 10:34 am

    So, you know I’d like to play along. But doing so requires math. And I don’t do math. Except when forced. So I’ll just say “You Win” and leave it at that.

    I require my husband to make the coffee, too. Or, I should say, I require him to make me my warm milk with a little coffee in the bottom.

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