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James, part VII…

July 20, 2008

The weeks of pregnancy flew by at that point with the hustle and bustle of creating and decorating the perfect nursery. His every movement within me reminded me of the miracle I was carrying and with genuine heart, I praised the Lord for His gifts to us.

Spiritually I was still praying for an Rh negative baby, a healthy baby, an easy delivery–the laundry list of requests a pregnant woman has. I held on to the Bible verses I understood, and prayed as I knew how. God’s graciousness to me of an elementary faith still astounds me.

Week 32 was our next big surprise. To keep tabs on some of the complications related to Rh factors, my doctor requested another ultrasound. This was done by one of the OBs instead of a technician. I went in expecting things to be completely routine.

His remarks quickly dispelled that idea when he commented on how big the baby was measuring. In fact, the baby was not only measuring large, but his head was overly large. The word “hydrocephalus” was mentioned and explained (water on the brain). Chance of mental retardation floated through the air, and I began to feel as though I was sinking yet again.

This resulted in a week of intense concern and prayer and questions. “God, what are You doing? I told you that I had surrendered, what else do You want?”

Catch that? Surrender in my book meant only words. I had not placed my will behind the surrender.

Weekly ultrasounds were the medical solution, and two weeks following the initial OB, a second OB reversed the previous prognosis by saying that our baby did not have hydrocephalus but was probably going to be around 10-11 pounds.

I was actually okay with that. I had never given birth, and I did not concern myself with the practical facts of what it meant for a 5’5″ woman to give birth to a 10-11 pounder. I would cross that bridge when I was in labor.

It was not the last bridge to cross though. I just thought it was.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Ellen permalink
    July 20, 2008 2:42 pm

    That really rings true Elle “I had not placed my will behind the surrender” The words are a lot easier to say but the reality – that’s the tough part…

  2. August 7, 2008 3:46 am

    Like Ellen, I’m struck by your words, “Surrender in my book meant only words. I had not placed my will behind the surrender.”

    It is so difficult to really mean it. I wonder if I ever truly have in any situation I’ve faced.

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