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World’s worst wrapping award goes to…

December 18, 2006

Me!! Yes, indeedy! I’m a paper stretching piecer who is spatially challenged when it comes to figuring out the size of the paper to the gift. But in receipt of today’s award I want to thank everyone involved in the whole Christmas paper wrapping scam, I mean, business.

I’d like to especially thank the wrapping paper companies who do not spend extra to have printed lines on one side of the paper for people like myself who are cut-in-a-straight-line-with-scissors challenged. I also want to thank the tape companies who thoughtfully produce handy dispensers that do not shear the tape cleanly with one pull but instead require multiple pulls whereby each yank creates an imprint on the tape and results in a wadded mess.

I’m particularly fond of wrapping paper that is virtually transparent, allowing curious children to see what’s wrapped, although when rolled up on the tube seemed impenetrably thick due to the depicted nose-glowing reindeer antics. And don’t let me forget to thank the various stores that sell wrapping paper in one size only at highway robbery prices even though virtually every gift needing wrapping requires super-sized paper at terroristic prices.

Ah, yes, the joy of wrapping is heralded around here with elfin glee. Maybe you’re thinking, "Just go to gift bags." Well, dear reader, that option has been tried but a couple of things keep coming up, 1) 3 curious children and 2) 2 curious cats. Plus the fact that to buy a gift bag large enough to hold certain gifts, I’d have to tack on an additional $12.00 per gift! I use them when I can because even I, a defunct wrapper, can wad and stuff some tissue paper around a gift.

In fact, gift bags aren’t the only concession made around here for those curious cats. I had to give up pretty bows on all the packages years ago because of cat #1’s penchant for eating them and then yacking the pretty bow all over the carpet. Cat #2 loves to stick his neck through a ribbon and then haul his fluffy tail around the house believing the package to be possessed and chasing him. No shortcuts on Christmas entertainment, here!

So, to the trenches for wrapping. A task that must be done simply because there’s nothing quite like the flurry of unwrapping that occurs Christmas morn to make all the bad wrapping jobs quite so worthwhile!

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